The Freak Test | http://breakfast.itgo.com/freaktest.html

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THE FREAK TEST

Before taking the test, scroll to the bottom and make sure all 419 questions loaded, and also read the disclaimer which waives any responsibility on my part if you try any of this at home, instead of at your friend's house like you are supposed to. Then check every box that applies to you, and throw a banana to find out your level of insanity.

Note: I wrote this test when I was in highschool, and it is therefore mostly suited to a highschool mentality/attitude. But parts of it are still good, and I'm too lazy to change/add to it at this point.

THE BEGINNING

Do people at school or work call you weird?
--do you take it as a compliment and thank them?
Are you a goth, hippie, techie, nerd, geek, loser, pothead, deadbeat, burnout, recluse, misunderstood social outcast, etc?
--are you more than one of the above?
Do you steadfastly cling to the notion that everyone around you is insane and you are, in fact, perfectly normal?
Do you remind people constantly that "normal" is all relative?

APPEARANCE

Do you regularly dye your hair colors not found in nature?
Have you ever dyed hair on parts of your body other than your head colors not found in nature?
Have you ever shaved some part of your body to resemble animals and/or objects?
Do you have multiple piercings, most (or none) of which are not in your ears?
Have you pierced any one body part (NOT your ears) more than one time?
Have you ever worn a costume in public for no specific reason?
Have you ever worn a cape in public?
--is your cape a major fashion accessory on a daily basis?
Have you ever worn vampire teeth when it wasn't Halloween?
Have you ever worn a dagger/sword around in public just for the hell of it?
Have you ever worn black glasses with white tape because you thought it looked cool?
Do you wear a pocket protector simply because of its sheer amusement value?
Have you ever worn more than one pair of glasses at a time?
Do you decorate your clothing with non-decorative objects (e.g. safety pins, duct tape, etc)?
Do you own a pair of shoes so old the duct tape you fixed the holes with is starting to erode, but still you refuse to get new shoes?
Have you ever made pants out of duct tape?
Have you ever worn clothing made of tin foil?
Is your idea of style wearing pants with combined ankle diameter greater than your height?
Do you decide on what pants to buy if and only if your head can pass through the bottom of the leg?
Have other people tripped on your pants?
Do you wear so many bracelets that they are longer than your shirt sleeves?
Do you practically have to strip down before going through metal detectors?
Do you have to disengage your thumbs from your shirt in order to eat?
Have you ever carried an action figure around with you because it matched your shirt?
Do you get handed flyers for raves everywhere you go just because of how you dress?
Have you ever worn angel wings and devil horns with a shirt that says "I have issues"?
Do you own a dog collar but not a dog?
Do you like to wear clothing that rustles or jingles simply to annoy people?
Is your wardrobe entirely monochromatic?
--in a color OTHER than black?
Have you ever bet (and won) money that you were the palest person in the room?
Have you ever dressed up in disguise ("normal/preppy") and had people not recognize you?
Do you not own any white socks or underwear?
Does Elton John think your sunglasses are a bit outrageous?
Do you never take your sunglasses off, no matter if you’re inside or if it’s midnight?

MEDIA

Do you steadfastly refuse to attach any significance to this question number?
Do you often contemplate the implied realitites of various TV/movies (e.g. where does the Highlander keep his sword while he's in the shower?)?
Have you ever had a pointless debate over implied realities of media (e.g. does Luke Skywalker use his lightsaber to shave or does he use the Force?)?
Do you regularly talk about fictional characters as if they were real and/or you knew them in real life?
Have you ever had an argument with someone over storylines in TV/movies (e.g. Leia loves Luke vs. Leia loves Han)?
Have you ever contemplated the sex lives of cartoon characters (e.g. the cast of Scooby Doo)?
--of cartoon characters living in an otherwise gender homogenous society (e.g. Miss Piggy, Smurfette, etc)?
--of a cartoon with all male characters (e.g. Loony Tunes)?
Have you ever fallen in love with a cartoon character?
Have you ever lusted after/dated/slept with/married(!) someone based entirely on the fact that they resembled your favorite anime/comic book character?
Do you have a hit list that contains fictional characters such as Bugs Bunny or the Maytag Repair Man?
Can you remember facts, trivia, storylines, characters, and insignificant details from your favorite comic/movie/cartoon but fail history tests because you don't know who George Washington is?
Are you able to describe every episode of your favorite TV show in nauseating detail?
Have you seen your favorite movie so many times you can recite along with all the dialogue?
--and you never hesitate to demonstrate for anyone who happens to be watching with you?
Do you enjoy watching old episodes of "Star Trek", pretending everything is a sexual reference, and laughing at everything William Shatner says?
Do you cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued?
Are you able to find deep hidden philosophical meanings in old episodes of Gumby?
Have you ever tried to walk/dress like Shaggy from "Scooby Doo," saying "zoinks!" at everything you see?
Have you ever watched a certain series/type of movie all night/for more than 6 straight hours (e.g. movies by Sam Reimi, movies starring Bruce Lee, etc)?
Have you ever had a Disney movie marathon with your friends and then debated over which hero would be best in bed?
Have you ever had an "Evil Dead," "Evil Dead 2," and "Army of Darkness" marathon, and watched "Xena: Warrior Princess" afterward (and you understand why that makes sense)?
Have you ever watched a whole movie upside down?
Have you ever watched a whole movie in reverse (try "Labyrinth")?
--do you think all movies are better upside down and/or in reverse?
Are you convinced that the Smurfs subliminally advocate Communism?
Do you make it a point to laugh out loud during sad/emotional scenes in movies just to piss off other people in the theatre (e.g. When Stickboy turns into a popsicle in Titanic)?
Have you ever wished you could meet someone named Xavier so you could call him "X"?
Do you constantly tell people how sexy Sean Connery is for such an old guy?
Have you ever had sexual fantasies about video game characters that aren't meant to be sexy (meaning NOT Lara Croft)?
Do you annually mourn the passing of Shel Silverstein, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and Douglas Adams on their death dates?
Do you get a tingly feeling when you read about someone with the last name of Osbourne, Steele, Curry, etc?
--have you ever lusted after/dated someone for no reason other than they had a name that gave you said tingly feeling?
Do you really, really, really like The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
When someone says "dammit", do you automatically respond with "Janet", and you are disappointed if they don't in turn say "I Love You"?

TECHNOLOGY

Have you ever spent more than 8 consecutive hours online?
Have you named your computer?
--do you talk to/about it using its name and/or terms of endearment?
When talking to someone IRL do you like to inform them that the two of you are currently "interfacing"?
Have you ever used the schools A/V equipment to alter rental videos so that the dialogue is slightly off from the lip movements?
When using someone else's computer do you like to do things like leave their printer on compressed italic landscape mode and then deny any knowledge of the changes?

Do you like creating really strange newsgroups (e.g. alt.sex.umbrellas) just to see if you get any subscribers?
Can you recite Pi to 20 or more digits?
Have you ever factored your Social Security number?
Have you ever purposely mistreated/killed a virtual pet (e.g. Tamagotchi, Pikachu, etc)?
Do you stare at TV static looking for hidden messages?
Have you ever flipped through static channels on TV and assigned emotions to each different kind of static?
Does your LARP character get more sex than you do in real life?

SEX

Does the name "Connie Lingus" really amuse you?
On legal forms, do you list your occupation as "cunning linguist?"
Do you and your friends play The Penis Game in public (take turns yelling "penis" louder and louder until you reach your vocal limit)?
Have you ever built an anatomically correct snowman (or woman)?
Have you ever sculpted hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes?
Have you ever considered the intriguing sexual possibilities of Inspector Gadget?
--or of using "The Force"?
Do you really enjoy receiving snail mail because you know you are holding something that someone has licked?
Have you ever tried to raise the dead for sexual purposes?
--because you can't find anyone else to do it with?
In the memo field of all your checks do you write "for sensual massage"?
Have you ever performed sexual acts on a large stuffed panda after losing a bet
Have you ever walked around saying "everybody needs happiness inside of them" in a French accent so that "happiness" sounds like "a penis"?
Have you ever randomly asked men for their shoe size and acted excited if it was larger then a 10?
Have ever dated someone just because they had interesting body piercings?
When someone directs you to "come here" does your first thought have nothing to do with relocating you body?
Do you enjoy turning everything people say into a sexual reference?

GENDER

Does it amuse you to ask people which gender they are?
On legal forms do you fill out your gender as "other"?
Have you ever tried to pick up members of the opposite sex while dressed as the opposite sex?
Have you ever been mistaken for someone of the opposite gender?
Have you ever mistaken someone for the opposite gender, then when you realized their true gender, thought they were really hot?
Do you like to yell "I am woman, hear me roar", even though you're a man?
Do you enjoy exclaiming "by my beard," and you are female?
Do you always say "yes ma'am" to males and "yes sir" to females?
Do you regularly wear underwear which is normally worn by the opposite sex?
Have you ever made up flyers and distributed them around school, telling people to vote for "the homecoming drag queen"?
Do you like to share with everyone your philosophy that drag queens make any and every situation better?
Have you ever used the phrase "just because I want to be inside a chick doesn't mean I want to be looking out" to justify your sexual identity?
Do you not find it strange that this test has a category devoted to gender?

FOOD

Do you go into restaurants without pants to see if they will serve you?
In public restaurants do you loudly vocalize lewd comparisons to foods such as beef tongue?
In restaurants do you always ask for a children's placemat and crayons, despite your being over the age of seven?
While in a public restaurant, have you ever loudly told someone to stop masticating in public?
Do you and your friends have contests in public restaurants to see how many sugar packets you can eat?
Do you and your friends look forward to going to restaurants just to drink all of the little coffee creamers?
Have you ever asked for "diet water"?
Have you ever paid a dinner check entirely in pennies?
Do you leave tips in foreign currency?
Have you ever tipped a waiter seven cents and a button?
When ordering at the drive-thru do you specify that your order is "to go"?
Have you ever gone to Wendy's and asked for a vanilla frosty?
Do you go into fast food restaurants just to collect sporks?
Do you go to Starbucks just to steal all the wooden stir sticks?
Do you feel your weekend is not complete without a trip to Denny's?
Have you ever spent more than 6 hours continuously at Denny's?
Have you ever eaten the heads and limbs off a bunch of animal crackers, then given the torsos to someone to see if they would eat them?
Do you regularly drink on average about 10 cans of soda in a day?
Have you ever eaten a single kind of food for a whole week straight?
Have you ever used Jell-O for any purposes other than eating it?
Have you ever made sculptures from Spam?
Have you ever spent hours wondering why Pop-tarts come in packages of two when on the box it lists the serving size as one?
Have you ever eaten poppyseed bagels, then done really strange things (e.g. watching Teletubbies while listening to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds) to see if it would produce a narcotic reaction?

RELIGION

Have you ever formed your own religion?
--and have converted people to it?
When you don't feel like doing something do you insist that the activity is against your religion?
Do you blame all ills that befall you on various gods you invent?
Have you ever had an explicitly sexual fertility rite in your backyard on Christmas Eve and told the shocked, complaining neighbors to respect your beliefs and leave you and your Yule branch alone?
Have you ever baptized an inanimate object?
Do you introduce yourself as "The Antichrist"?
Do you often claim to be Jesus Christ?
When someone says "Jesus Christ!" as an expletive, do you say "yeah, what do you want?"?
Do you claim that "if I'm not worth worshipping, nobody else is" during conversations about the existence of God?

Have you ever used Bible pages for smoking purposes (tobacco or otherwise)?
On rainy days, do you like to drive around town in a large vehicle, yelling "give me two of every animal!"?
In church, do you find it amusing to find an empty seat and ask "Is this seat SAVED?"
Have you ever licked someone in church and said "Do this in rememberance of me"?
Have you ever stood on the church roof and yelled "I am God!"?

COMMUNICATION

Do you occasionally affect a foreign accent just for the hell of it?
Do you purposely speak in broken English to annoy others?
Have you ever invented your own language?
--Can you speak and write it fluently?
Are you fluent in more than one fictitious language (e.g. Klingon, Tengwar, Lapine, etc)?
Do you enjoy learning bizarre phrases/insults in foreign languages (Ich bin der Kase)?
Have you ever picked a random phrase (e.g. "I am the cheese") and learned how to say it in as many languages as possible?
Have you made up a nickname for yourself that is in a foreign language?
Do you often start speaking in various foreign/fictitious languages at random?
Do you frequently watch foreign language TV channels despite the fact you don't know that foreign language?
Do you have over 10 nicknames, all of which you will answer to?
Do you like learning the Latin names of plants and animals so you can use them at stupid times (e.g. see a mouse and scream "Aahh! A Mus musculus!!")?
Does it amuse you to spell the word "wrong" incorrectly?
Do you find the name "Guy N. Cognito" really amusing?
Have you ever described something as being "groin-grabbingly transcendent"?
Do you understand the phrase "Eschew Obfuscation"?
Do you find the word "pants" strangely entertaining?
Do you keep an ongoing list of words that are fun to say (e.g. wonk, twit, hoist, pointy, etc.)?
Have you ever made up a slang word?
--and heard a stranger use it at a later time?
Have you ever created an odd exultation such as "HOLY JESUS ON A POGO STICK!" and used it daily?
Do you regularly use archaic exclaimations, curse words, or insults (e.g. "a pox on you!") or bite your thumb at people?

Do you call cigarettes "fags" to confuse those uneducated in British slang?
Have you ever made up an "Indian name" for yourself or your friends (e.g. "Runs With Scissors" or "Dances In Underwear")?
Can you recite the poem "Jabberwocky" (and learned it of your own free will)?
Do you often write really stupid poetry (e.g. "Mice are nice, or so I think, they don't like ice, their noses are pink")?
Do you give names to all inanimate objects, including computers, cars, doors, body parts, etc?
Is a fun way to piss people off to repeat everything they say as a question?
Do you alphabetize everything possible (refrigerator contents, cds, etc) of yours and all your friends?
Do you often sing out loud in enclosed public areas such as trains and elevators?
Have you ever wanted to visit the Hoover Dam and ask the tour guide "Is this a god dam?"?
While in a foreign language class, have you ever wondered why the English language doesn't assign genders to inanimate objects, and then later demanded of your English teacher to know the gender of "table"?
When talking about where you are going, do you always add the word "ass" to the name of your destination (e.g. Ass-mart, Office Ass, Tar-ass, etc)?
--have you ever debated which version of the name sounds better (e.g. Ass-mart vs. Wal-ass)?
Have you ever marveled at the fact that all Americans are united in that at one time we have all played the "Chubby Bunny" game (put as many marshmallows into your mouth as possible and see who can say 'chubby bunny' most articulately)?
Have you ever played old Pat Boone or Barbara Streisand records backwards to find Satanic messages?
Can you say the alphabet backwards faster than you can say it forwards?
Do you frequently say things which most likely have never passed the lips of another human being (e.g. "'yogurt' and 'cosmic' have the word 'swirly' in common.")?

PLAYING WITH OTHERS

Do you and your friends constantly carry on conversations on a strange/taboo subject in public, attracting strange glances from those around you?
Do you like telling jokes that no one else understands (like the where's your paddle joke)?
Do you like making references to random obscure things that no one else understands and you find hysterically funny?
Do you make up nicknames for people based upon the inanimate objects they resemble?
Have you ever informed someone that they exist only in your imagination?
Have you ever asked a bald man if he waxes his head?
Do you like walking up to strangers in public and saying "Hello, lover" just to provoke a reaction?
Have you ever randomly gone up to an old man, said "Hi Grandpa!" and walked away?
Do you comment to strangers the fact that they are "not wearing galoshes today"?
Do you like to wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at strangers?
Have you ever referred to yourself as "an illusion caused by too many acid trips"?
Do you like to randomly say "lesbian" loudly, just to see how many people stop their conversations and look at you?
Have you ever asked passerby for directions to a landmark you were standing in front of?
Have you ever followed old ladies around the mall?
Have you ever put strange objects in people's carts at Ass-Mart just to see their reaction at the check out?
Do you scream, "take a picture, it'll last longer!" at strangers when they give you weird looks?
Do you like to stare at strangers and slowly edge closer and closer to them till they get that scared bunny look?
When getting off elevators, do you press all the buttons to piss off the sucker who gets in after you?
Do you stand around in public places and tell people "your sock's untied" as they walk by?>
Do you often wink, blow kisses or lick your lips in a suggestive way at strangers?
Have you ever intentionally thrown yourself off of a curb to see the reactions of the people walking by?
Have you ever licked yourself in public to see people's reactions?
Have you ever fought off crowds of children in a toy store to get the last Star Wars/X-Men/Xena/Sailor Moon/etc action figure?
Do you know the video store better than the employees there?
Have you ever convinced someone (or been convinced by someone) that stop signs with white outlines are optional?
Have you ever convinved someone (or been convinced by someone) that if you run while wearing corduroy pants, they will catch on fire?
Have you ever walked a few feet behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol?
When someone inquires as to the whereabouts of an object, do you say you "burned it and did a little dance around it"?
When someone inquires as to the whereabouts of a person, do you say they "were sucked into a rift in the space time continuum?
--or do you pat down all your pockets and say "I don't know"?
Whenever someone complains about a body part that is in pain, do you tell them their pain is caused by an alien implant?
Do you like to give people cards on their birthday that say things like "congratulations its a boy!" and sign "happy thanksgiving" on the bottom?
Do you throw parties with clowns and magicians for people over the age of 10?
Do people take sharp objects away from you as a force of habit?
Have you ever stabbed someone with a spoon and drawn blood?
Do you become overly angry when a person doesn't know what is actually on their shirt (e.g. they wear a Transformers shirt, but don’t know the difference between Deceptacons and Autobots)?
Have you ever invented a dance which involved attempting to step on others' feet while avoiding having yours stepped on?
Have you ever offered to "fall upon your sword in atonement" after hurting or offending someone?

SCHOOL

When the career counselor asks you about your future plans, do you say you want to be a stripper, porn star, drug lord, pimp, etc?
--do you ask them why they chose to be a career counselor?
Do you do all your school work in yellow highlighter?
Do you staple papers together in the middle of the page?
Whenever you see a sign taped to a wall do you always feel the need to turn it upside down?
Do you like to move "caution wet floor" signs to carpeted areas?
Do you compulsively flip lightswitches just to see what they do?
Do you enjoy randomly falling out of your chair during class?
Do you enjoy turning around in class and randomly asking if you may have an article of someone's clothing (e.g "may I have your left shoe?")?
Have you ever been so bored you thought about cutting off your hand just so sewing it back on would give you something to do?
Do you often fall asleep in class and wake up with weird patterns on your head from your bracelets?
Have you ever spent an entire day making an alphabetical list of every animal you could think of, asking everyone around you for help?
Have you ever used the excuse "my fish ate my homework?"
Are your hands and arms primarily used as notepaper/calendar/day timer?
When you don't know the answer to a test problem or don't feel like voting for someone (e.g. homecoming queen, class president, etc) do you write in Ozzy Osbourne, Marylin Manson, etc?
When voting for senior superlatives, you write in "Most likely to become a cowboy" or "Most likely to become a pusher?"
Have you ever written a dissertation on reality for any class other than psychology (or just for fun)?
Do you know more about poisons, explosives and corrosive chemicals than your science teacher?
Have you ever had a wheelie chair race round the school computer room?
Do you like to take off your shoes and slide around in socks in the cafeteria?
Have you received severe discipliniary action for playing the Penis Game (see #92) during school?
Have you ever decorated a friend's locker or car for a holiday you invented?
Does everyone at school know your name, and NOT because you're popular?
Do you sit with the other team’s fans at sporting events?
Have you ever asked the marine recruiters if, by joining the marines, its a requirement to tuck your pants into your boots?

MUSIC

Do you often spontaneously start dancing, without music?
Do you dance to the muzak in grocery stores?
Do you like to make up words to a completely instrumental song while the song is playing?
Do you compulsively invent new lyrics for songs (e.g. "loving Shoe was like loving Shoe's dad")?
Do you entertain yourself by playing music at insanely high volume that nobody else but you would like?
Have you ever called a radio station to dedicate a song to yourself?
Do you and your friends each have a "theme song"?
Do you think Weird Al Yankovic is really goddamn sexy?
Have you ever contemplated which Insane Clown Posse member is sexier?
Do you like going to punk concerts just for the opportunity to sweat in new and exciting places while rubbing up against total strangers?
Do you think "Jewish Nazis for Christ" would be a good name for a band?

SUPERHEROES

Do you have an obsession with/fetish for a particular superhero (or just superheros in general)?
Have you ever considered the intriguing sexual possibilites for certain superhero powers (e.g Rubberman, Iceman, Storm, etc.)?
Have you ever pondered just how much of Logan (Wolverine)'s anatomy is covered with Adamantium, and considered what his sex life might be like?
During the class president race at school, do you hang up your own signs telling people to vote for Batman?
--did most of the flyers get torn down by irate candidates, but the rest of your class told you how cool your posters were?
Do you enlighten anyone who will listen as to your theory about the "special relationship" between Batman, Robin and Alfred?
Have you ever met someone named Richard and asked him if you could call him "Master Dick"?
Do you tell people that your life is heroically separated into two identities: one a mild mannered civilian, the other a caped crusader?

AT HOME

Do you have a strange collection (e.g. plastic flowers, old paint cans, free internet cds, etc)?
Do you leave Christmas lights up and lit all year?
Do you decorate your walls with signs you've stolen from random places (e.g the bus, the elementary school, etc)?
Do you constantly burn incense because you don't feel comfortable unless something's on fire?
Do you have, for any reason, dead roses on display in any part of your house?
Do you own a large collection of oil lamps because one of them could have a genie inside?
Do you have long conversations with your reflection in mirrors?
Is a fun rainy day project for you to go through popular magazines and deface pictures of smiling celebrities?
Have you ever had a conversation with posters on your walls?
Have you ever sent snail mail to yourself because you never get any mail?
Have you ever made oatmeal in the bathtub?
Have you ever made a phone better by gluing dice to the number pad, and you got really mad because there is no zero dice?
Have you ever named your light switch after your boyfriend/girlfriend so you could "turn him/her on and off at will"?
Have you ever bought a flag for an obscure country and displayed it out your window?
Have you ever attached 100 bottles of beer to your wall?
Have you ever tried to fit yourself into a suitcase?
Have you ever thought it would be fun to wax all the hair off your body?
Have you ever sat in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down?
Have you ever constructed elaborate crop circles on your front lawn?
--then photographed them and sent the photos to a reputable newspaper?
Have you ever answered the door while naked?
Have you ever held a contest with your friends to see how many consecutive days you could go without sleeping?
Have you ever handcuffed yourself to furniture and informed curious onlookers that you "don't want to fall off in case the big one comes"?
Do you like to tell people you have a leprechaun living under your bed who tells you to burn things?
Do you constantly check to see if the light in the refrigerator is still on when the door is closed?
Can you stare at a lava lamp for long periods of time without a moment of boredom?
Do you find your kitchen to be extremely sexually suggestive?

DRIVING

While driving alone, do you have long conversations, occasionally looking at the passenger seat?
At stop lights to do you like to roll down your windows, blast talk radio and headbang?
Have you ever jumped from a moving vehicle?
Do you like to enter and exit vehicles via the windows better than via the door?
Does your car have so many bumper stickers that people can't tell what color it really is?
Have you ever used duct tape to make racing stripes on your car?
Have you ever washed your car in Herbal Essences shampoo to make it smell nice?
Do you know how many bales of hay your car will hold?
Does your car wear a nametag?
When driving on a single lane road, do you like to randomly switch to the left side, and you call it "going Bond"?
Have you ever tried to convince a cop to give him/herself a speeding ticket because he/she had to speed to catch you?
Have you ever wanted to do a REAL "Chinese Fire Drill" (get out at a stoplight, kill someone, get back in your car before the light turns green)?
Have you ever driven around with your windows down, yelling "nice pants!!" to all pedestrians you passed?

CONFUSION

Do you often wake up and not know where you are or how you got there?
When you hear that the Vikings beat the Raiders, does your first thought have nothing to do with sports?
Did it take you a long time to figure out that the names "Kanga" and "Roo" put together equal "kangaroo"?
Do you ever get confused as to which is your nickname and what is your real name?
Have you ever tried to sharpen a pen in a pencil sharpener?
Does your hitlist (see #52) include yourself?
Have you ever TPed your own house?
Do you own any books/comics/manga in a language you can't read?
Are you such a freak that you constantly call people "freak" just because of the irony that you are saying it?
Do you tell people you are stoned off your ass just so they will stop giving you such weird looks?
Do you schedule appointments for the 31st of September?
Do you keep your digital watch set on military time?
Does it amuse you to refer to a single individual as "good people"?
Do you often refer to "THEM" without specifying exactly what that is supposed to mean?
If someone says "I have a point" do you like to say "A hat might cover it up"?
When someone says "hi" do you say "not yet"?
While standing talking to someone, do you pull lint out of your pockets and stick it on the person's shirt, telling them it's a "recognition fuzzy for a job well done"?
Do you like to engage others in this conversation a dozen times in one setting: "Do you hear that?" "What?" Nevermind, it went away."?
Have you ever picked large quantities of flowers and given them to strangers?
Do you enjoy running up to total strangers and saying "I love you" then pushing them violently away and screaming "I hate you"?
Do you often stand on a street corner staring up at the sky to see how many people you can get to stare with you, wondering what you are looking at?
Have you and a friend of a different race worn matching outfits and insisted to everyone that you were identical twins?
Have you ever made signs reading "please use other door" and put them on every door to a building?
Do you wear your shoes on the wrong feet to see if people will notice?

IN PUBLIC

Do you and your friends go see really bad movies for the sole purpose of sitting in the front row, making snide comments and really pissing off everyone around you?
Do you make up your own audience participation for movies other than RHPS and yell it out in public theaters?
Are you banned from over half the stores/theatres in your town?
Have you ever gone to the bakery section of the grocery store to compliment the bakers on their buns?
Have you ever had fights in the grocery store using chip bags, loaves of bread, etc?
Do you like to randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles in stores?
Do you like to go into 24 hour stores at 2 AM and buy really strange combinations of things just to see the reaction of the clerk (e.g. razor blades, condoms and light bulbs)?
Have you ever visited a national park and asked the rangers where you could apply for a unicorn hunting license?
Have you ever pulled the "squeeze me" and "touch me" stickers off all the dog toys at Wal-Mart and stuck them on to various body parts?
Have you ever asked a video clerk if they carried Amish porn ("Oh heavens! She's showing her ankles!")?
Have you ever hid in clothing racks and whispered "PICK ME!" when people are browsing?
Have you ever asked a clothing store employee if they have a particular item in "extra medium"?
In public places do you like to randomly look into your purse/backpack/pocket and say into it "you alright in there?"?
Are you totally unable to ever resist the urge to wave at security cameras?
Are you totally unable to ever resist the urge to run up the "down" escalators?
When in electronics stores, do you like to put large, flat cookies in the CD players?
Have you ever gone to a baseball game and spent the entire time assigning nicknames to the players based on physical features or things they resembled (e.g. Saggy-butt Man, Woodchuck Man, etc.)?
Have you ever claimed to be invisible, picked things up and said "Woo, this is floating around by itself!"?
Have you ever stolen a "shoplifters will be prosecuted" sign?
Have you ever stolen a book about Kleptomania from the library?
Do you enjoy loitering under "no loitering" signs?
When bored in public settings such as wedding receptions do you like to run around suspiciously, humming the "Mission Impossible" theme?
Have you ever shouted in public: "hello my name is (your name here) and I'm not wearing any pants"?
Do you randomly ask if there are video cameras planted in various inanimate objects?
Do you say "excuse me" when you bump into inanimate objects in public?
Do you like saying "I Love You" to inanamite objects in public?
When asked to do things, do you repeat the instructions to the body part involved (e.g. "Hand, will you please open the door?")?
Do you always sit on the floor in trains/subways even when there are plenty of extra seats?
Have you ever spent long periods of time blowing soap bubbles and trying to catch them in your mouth?
Have you ever eaten chapstick in public?
Have you ever wished you had a glass eye so you could poke it with a pen to freak people out?
Have you ever climbed over a fence when going through the gate would have worked just as well?
Have you ever broken down a door when you were trying to open it?
Have you ever had a water balloon fight in the middle of an intersection?
Do you often make "spider webs" out of cassette tapes, which span a road or highway?
Have you ever had a picnic in the grassy strip along a freeway?
Do you still love playing on the jungle gym at the elementary school (especially when little kids are there)?
Do you go to the park to make a snow angels in the sand?
Is your idea of great rainy afternoon playing tag, hide-and-seek, and/or truth-or-dare in a graveyard?

OTHER STUFF

Have you ever dropped large appliances/furniture off a high roof just to see what happens upon impact?
Do you write "X-Buried Treasure" in random spots on road maps?
Do you fall down stairs for fun?
Do you like to trip over your own feet on purpose for entertainment?
Do you spend considerable amounts of time perfecting your maniacal laughter?
Do you wish you had a metal plate in your head just so you could have the capability to attract lightening?
Do you want to be Canadian when you grow up?
Do you want to give your child (as yet un-conceived) the middle name "Danger"?
When you see a big shiny red button that says "DO NOT PUSH" do you have an overpowering compulsion to push it?
Do you like the smell and taste of Play-Doh?
Do you pick up random objects just because they are shiny and/or sparkly?
Do you like the smell of gasoline stations?
Do you get offended if somebody tells you that you look healthy?
Do you compulsively move sharp objects so the blade/tip is pointing away from you because of some strange fear that they will attack you?
At any particular time in your life, do you have at least 3 bizarre government conspiracy theories going?
Have you ever wished you were bald so you could put your head in the ball waxing machine (Shine-O-Ball-O) at the bowling alley?
Have you ever worn a jock strap on your face?
Have you ever bought large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off?
Have you ever used your hair to floss your teeth?
Have you ever painted your nails black and filed them to sharp points to frighten small children?
Have you ever set up a Barbie massacre scene to freak out a little kid?
Have you ever bet money that you could nail Jell-O to a tree?
Have you ever covered something entirely in duct tape, tin foil, sticky notes and/or saran wrap?
When given a coloring book do you always color it in strange trippy colors?
Have you ever investigated as to just how many pens you could fit into your pocket protector? (see #18)
When getting on elevators, do you press all the buttons at once just to see where you'll end up?
Have you ever taped a stamp and a return address onto an empty soda can and placed it into a random mailbox, put up the flag and then waited to see if the mailman would take it or not?
Have you ever stayed up all night just so you could see what the sky looked like at 4:36 a.m.?
Have you ever campaigned to bring the codpiece back into men's fashion?
Have you ever gone through every toy store in a 100 mile radius trying to find an action figure that looks like you so you can pretend to have adventures with Han Solo/Riff Raff/Morpheus/etc?
Is a major life goal of yours to send multiple consecutive Slinkies down the steps of the Lincoln memorial?
When questioned about your extracurricular activities, do you insist that RPGs and finding Waldo are legitimate sports?

THE END

Can you find the secret hidden message in the background?
Did you understand every obscure cultural reference within the test?
Have you suggested new questions for this test based on your personal experience?
Are the majority of the things to which you answered "yes" done while NOT under the influence of illegal substances?
Did you actually sit and scroll through this entire list?!!?
Are you taking this test again to see how much you have improved since last month?
Are you using this test as a checklist of things to do in the future?

About the scoring: The higher your "purity" percentage, the less of a freak you are.

people have taken this psychological evaluation since 3/2/00
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